You work out of a Hotel?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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