The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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