I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Success! We fucked roommates!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
