can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
