found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
