I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
