you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
