Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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