If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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