she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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