God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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