Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
