I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
