Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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