question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
