When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
