you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
