Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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