I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize