instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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