I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
