he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
