Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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