There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
