She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
