Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
