I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
