I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
