I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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