You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize