i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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