I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
