I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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