this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
