this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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