you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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