I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
