Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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