Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize