Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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