"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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