Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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