The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
