yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
