he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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