Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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