They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize