i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
