No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
