Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
