screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
