batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
