apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
