i permit you to call me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
