K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
