I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
