Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
