I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize