Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
