My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
