Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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