I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've blown a few things in my day
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
