I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
