I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
